He Loves Me...NOT.

He Loves Me…NOT

We all want to fall in love. Why?  Because that experience makes us feel completely alive, where every sense is heightened, and every emotion is magnified.  Our everyday reality is shattered and we are flung into the heavens.  It may only last a moment, an hour, or an afternoon, but that doesn't diminish its value, because we are left with memories that we treasure for the rest of our lives.

- From the movie "The Mirror Has Two Faces" - (Barbara Streisand)

All little girls believe in fairytales. We’ve dreamed of our Prince Charming since the moment we heard our first love story.  We’ve memorized every line from Cinderella and every balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet.

So, how do we explain our obvious obsession with wanting and loving men who are simply not available?

Whether it be emotionally unavailable (commitment phobic OR personality disorder, which entitles him to believe he is desired by every female in the tribe), legally unavailable (married OR in jail), or geographically unavailable (most likely in an undiscovered universe), we, more often than not, long for the unattainable.

Why?

Why are we so willing to do this to ourselves?  Spend endless nights wanting, wondering, worrying, questioning?  When we could just as easily be out enjoying life and all that someone else’s money has to offer?  We know there are perfectly good men with a pulse already stalking us.  Yes, they obviously have their faults or someone else would have snatched them up already, but at least they are interested…and breathing, and fully prepared to show how much they desire us…AND bring their credit cards. 

In today’s wonderful world of competition, one would think that would be enticing enough…

But, no…no, it isn’t.  Instead, we simply continue to pine over the one who got away…or never took the bait.

So, again, I ask why?  Why are we so willing to compromise?

Novelist Graham Greene wrote, “There’s always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in.” And even though all little girls grow up and become women, they don’t lose their dreams to men…they simply lose their hymens.

You would think we could see it coming…like the proverbial train in the tunnel…all the signs are there…and then BAM!  It’s over.

Oh, it starts out promising…you believe every word.  After a while you open your heart; then you open your legs, and suddenly, he’s into you (literally), and just as suddenly, he’s not THAT into you…not anymore.

And then the descent into darkness begins…

The self-doubt; the insecurities; the endless questions, “what happened?; what did I do wrong?; what could I have done differently; WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?”, begin to dominate your mind.  It’s a never ending cycle for some women…not to mention the endless revolving door of losers.

Like a lot of women, I am guilty of spending more than my fair share of time and energy on someone that deserved neither my attention nor my affection.  And in my quest for the ultimate Knight in Shining Armor, I, too, have been fooled by the infamous Loser in Aluminum Foil. 

And yes, I have even been “foiled” again…and again…

But I only want what every other woman wants…I want someone to love me.  I want my soul mate…my Anam Cara.

However, relations are not the same thing as relationships…not for men, anyway.  Men don’t make love with their heart…they have sex with their penis. 

Only, we can’t tell the difference…

So, how does one find their way in a world where sex is reduced to mere physical sport?

Let me say this to you…

If someone can walk away from you, let them.  Your future is never tied to anyone who will leave you.

If you decide to remain in a relationship where your man yells at you, hits you, or mistreats you in any way, that is not a decision, that is an affliction, and you need to talk to someone about that

If your man feels the need to hide from you…I mean, literally HIDE from you, does that say something about him, or something about YOU?  Seriously, what kind of a man hides from his woman?  But then again, what kind of woman makes him WANT to?

And finally, if you are in a relationship that makes you cry more than it makes you smile...well, there’s your sign…perhaps it’s not the relationship that’s right for you.

Someone famous once said, “No man is worth your tears, and the one who is, won’t make you cry.”  Because really, is that love?  The love we have dreamed about since we were nine years old?  Or are we so in love with the idea of being in love that we fall for anything that doesn’t immediately deter us to the nearest straight razor?

I’m not judging, I'm just saying...there are worse things than being alone.

I do believe true love exists.  And it’s up to each of us to hold out for what is real vs. what is available…or pretends to be available  We should never be with ust anyone for the sake of just being with someone. 

Be patient.  And be special.

“Don't share your pristine wilderness or soulful beauty with exploitative types who offer iffy rewards. Instead, hold out for those who appreciate you profoundly and whose own gifts help you to thrive.”